K.O:
oh well, i'm once again no longer in d running to becoming Mrs. Jones.
i really didnt want to blog about it this time, i just intended to grieve and then mend no matter how long it takes.
MJ said the relationship was not heading in the right direction and there's not much else a person can say to that, is there? so basically, i've lost this fight...i've been knocked out.
K.U:
this is the scary part and i thank God for anonymous blogging. i dont even know how to break this to MJ, or if ever i should. i peed on a stick last nyt and i saw 2 lines...in simple words...i'm preggers. i peed on 3 more sticks at 3 different times before dawn and they all said the same thing.
how could i be so careless right??? now that i realise i'm on my own in this world, i'm asking myself that question over and over again. i was on d dang pill and i was very religious with it. i didnt miss a single day and i had an alarm set so i wouldnt miss the time either. i've been on d pill for over a year now and i trusted it a 100% even though i knew there was a 2% chance dat it'll fail. even with d pill, i tried to make sure MJ and i got it on during my safe period.
i dont know what to do right now. i'm so confused cos i havent missed a period hence i didnt suspect anything. oh well, i took a test a month ago as a pre-req for something and the doctors said the result was inconlusive and asked if i used contraceptive pills. when i said yes, it seemed to mean something to them and they said i was fine, that the pills made d result look so. i decided to see my gynae to confirm but then my period came on time and it was as regular as ever so i felt there was no cause for alarm.
for some reason, i peed on the sticks last nyt...not cos i thot i was pregnant but just to be sure i wasnt carrying baggage as MJ and i only broke up 2 days ago. so basically, i'm knocked up.
i dont know how pregnant i am, i dont know what to do, who to call...i'm just going thru all this madness alone. i'm so scared to tell MJ cos i suspect he'll want to be responsible and ask that we get back or even get hitched...and that's totally the opposite of what he wants ryt now. i somehow think he may have found someone else and i dont want to mess that up for him. i dont wanna be one of those people that trap a man with a baby. btw, if he thinks d relationship is all wrong and not working, how is a baby supposed to help the situation???
i know for a fact that i dont want to be a single mum. i also know that i would die of guilt if i got rid of it...that would cause me so much emotional pain for the rest of my life and many inner demons. i would have too many secrets and should i find someone else, i would never be able to bring myself to tell him. i would be living a lie and dying inside.
i never thot this would happen to me. my life is so over ryt now.
4 comments:
Sad for you that your relationship ended. I think a child is always, always a blessing. you MUST tell mj, you shouldn't go at this alone- it took both of you. Hold your head up. Believe there's a grater plan for your life and seek the support of those who love you to see you through this time.
Sad for you that your relationship ended. I think a child is always, always a blessing. you MUST tell mj, you shouldn't go at this alone- it took both of you. Hold your head up. Believe there's a grater plan for your life and seek the support of those who love you to see you through this time.
2Ruby2Red...been waiting for other comments before i decide on what to do but i've pondered on yours for a full day. i see d emphasis on MUST and i know i shld tell MJ. i just dont know how to...i'm scared shitless.
i thought of you again and what you must be going through. I cant pretend that i know how you should tell MJ and i know it cant be easy, but i cant imagine it would be any better to go at it alone. Since you said he would respond positively, just let him know you are not trying to use this to trap him into marriage but just for his support. Hang in there.
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